My last blog was about a year ago, so clearly I am not good at this.
I just feel the need to do this today because I am stressed out today. I feel like life throws things at me all at once(or in a row) and I struggle to keep up.
I had foot surgery in January which ended up being ok, but I was sick for 2 weeks then working from home for about 4 more, so I started back in the office in March. Then on March 3rd I got a call from my sister telling me that a guy we grew up with in Youth Group had died. I broke up with my boyfriend Charles mid May right before I started house sitting for Jeff and Jeri, then right before they came back I was told that Dave Nelson was found dead in his house. Somewhere in there Donna said they will be moving to TX for a while, then just 2 weeks ago I get and e-mail from Claire saying that she will be moving to Indiana at the end of summer.
I don't even really know where to start with now I feel because some days I am ok and others I am a mess. All for different reasons. I am happy for Claire and what she found, but I feel like I am loosing my best friend at the same time. I am kind of jealous too because I have been actively looking for a group of friends my age for years and I have nothing to show for that(and now will be less one). I know my life is here, but I just feel really tired of trying to find friends, trying to belong, trying to do the things God wants me to and I don't really see the benefits of it all right now.
I am really trying to trust God through all of this because, lets face it, I don't have many options at this point, but I really DO want to trust that He will redeem these losses for me.
I am still holding out for the "right" guy and I desperately want that relationship more than anything right now, but again the answer is wait! Sometimes I really wish that just for a moment I could see the future. My future, and see the it really does turn out ok. I know that life is full of hard things, losses, and constant change...but I would just like a break for a while. I need the calm, the peace, the resting in God to see what He has next. Then again, I am sure that all the things I am going through will help prepare me for that time so I continue to struggle through in faith that God will never leave me no matter what. And that He really does have my best interest in mind.
